Home Office Humor

You Know You're A WAHP When...

...you promise yourself a pedicure for a job well done and you get it that very night (by sitting on the side of the tub and soaking your feet in bubble bath while bathing your toddler).

...you text your spouse just as he gets off work, begging him to stop at the store for chocolate (for you), fabric softener (for the laundry), Kibbles 'n Bits (for the dog) and tranquilizer darts (for the children).

...the children get an extra half-hour of TV time because "Mommy's inspired and has to get this blog post out right now, before she forgets the whole bloody thing".

...the local librarians have your website address memorized and actually give it out to other patrons...not because they have used your services, but because during your weekly "Library Day" you always clean up after your kids (thus delaying your own return home to the dog hair and the laundry).

And you know you're a WAHP when ...

... your internet connection goes down, you have a client coming for a meeting AND it is the school holidays ... and you find yourself at MacDonald's with your client and your three children in order to use the MacD wifi hotspot. Children at one table, with muffins and crayons; client and me at another with laptop and notepad.

How unprofessional is that? Luckily, the client saw the funny side - especially when we found out he hadn't brought his passwords etc, so we all had to retreat to HIS house ... me, my client and my three children. At least they had the treat of watching his SKY tv while we worked.

From SmallBizMentor.com

Here's a home business opportunity for the nomadic type...or those with access to phony IDs and that sort of stuff.

There is a legitimate real live business opportunity selling a spray product that prevents red light cameras from photographing your license plate.

Supposedly you can't tell the stuff is there just by looking at a sprayed plate. It somehow obscures the image so that it's a blurry (and inadmissible) picture.

They are admittedly nice enough to mention to prospective business owners that the product may be illegal in your particular neck of the woods.

I used my best magnifying glass to read the fine print, but I still couldn't see any offer by the company to pay any legal expenses you might incur

How do you write off attorney fees, court costs and bail as business expenses??

Blogs and blogging are now a big part of many home offices and businesses.

Chances are that even if you don't have a home office or business, you're reading blogs!

Check out Blaugh, our cyber cousin and look for daily cartoons from them here

on the Home Office Humor page.

Need Motivation?

Here's some examples:

I look at my credit card debt and my bank account. Laughing

That's more than

enough motivation for me.

I'm motivated by the dream of RVing around the country.

I'm motivated by the dream of selling my house and buying

a nice condo because then I'll really be able to relax

while RVing around the country.

A Little Telecommuting Humor!

Telecommutes save time -- and soap

IF DONALD TRUMP really wants to test the time-management mettle of his flunkeys

on "The Apprentice," he should make them spend at least a few days of their

16-week job interview locked in a small room telecommuting in their skivvies.

If that sounds too degrading (what could be worse than taking heat from

his daughter, Ivanka, in the boardroom?) you should keep in mind that millions

of telecommuting Digital Slobs do this all the time.

Several years back, after I rolled snake eyes playing office politics,

I found myself unemployed. But soon after, I managed to land a better gig

over the phone. During the call, my soon-to-be boss said he was impressed

with my poise and professionalism and hired me on the spot, but I've often

wondered if he would have said the same thing if he'd seen me standing

there in my Garfield boxers and pink fuzzy slippers.

But, as it turns out, I may have been overdressed.

According to a recent worldwide survey by SonicWALL, a computer network

security firm, 10 percent of telecommuters work in the nude. Thirty-nine

percent wear sweats. And only 44 percent of women and 30 percent of men reported

taking a shower on their don't-bring-your-funky-body-odor-to-work days.

This means that if all remote and mobile workers suddenly materialized

into their central downtown offices, they would make Casual Friday look

like a regency ball from a Jane Austen novel.

Of course, SonicWALL was perhaps more interested in the responses

about data security, and on that subject telecommuters were even

more willing to let it all hang out.

Eighty-eight percent admitted to storing passwords in easy-to-access locations,

which might seem surprising. But then again, if their knowledge about computer

encryption is sparse, and a significant percentage work in the buff, one can only

assume there's a limited number of nearby nooks and crannies where such things

could be safely tucked away (and hardly any comfortable ones).

And, as any 2-year-old who's figured out he can run around the living room

without his diapers chafing if he leaves them back in the hall will tell you,

birthday suits can be very productive uniforms, assuming you're in the right

state of mind.

After all, that fairy tale Emperor would have remained content in his

New Clothes forever, if he hadn't been so eager to show them off.

Perhaps this is why 76 percent of telecommuters in the survey said

working in solitary is an aid to productivity. We all know that our boss

would frown upon us playing Final Fantasy XI on an Xbox 360 in our

downtown office cubicle, even during a break -- but do the same thing

while telecommuting, and no one cares (as long as we take care of

business in between levels). And everybody knows gaming is almost

as fun as streaking.

So, Mr. Trump, if you want me to oversee the construction of your next skyscraper,

I'll get it done in record time and under budget, as long as you allow me to wash

a load of whites and watch "America's Next Top Model" at the same time. Few can

match my tenacity and my strategic thinking, Mr. Trump, and no one else has my

lucky Garfield boxers and my pink fuzzy slippers.

Curt Brandao is the Star-Bulletin's production editor. Reach him at cbrandao@starbulletin.com.

A state vocational rehabilitation counselor approved the purchase of

a herd of goats for a woman who wanted to go into the goat cheese making business. I guess you gotta have goats for that.

But even better was the guy who wanted to sell stuffed peppers. Someone authorized and then found someone to create the world's first pepper stuffer.

You really can market anything on the Internet.

I'd recommend thinking a little first, though... Here's an actual news item,

unfortunately from my own home state.

BOSTON -- An accused drug dealer was nabbed for trying to sell
cocaine -- on the Internet. Police said that Tyrone Burgo, 20, of
Brockton, posted an online advertisement for cocaine. The ad also
included a phone number. Officers called the number on Friday and
arranged to meet Burgo Friday night near City Hall. Police said an
undercover officer bought cocaine from Burgo. He was quickly
arrested. Burgo is scheduled to be arraigned in Boston Municipal
Court on Monday morning.

From the blog of Ann Zuccardy of the Vermont Shortbread Company

comes this version of the Google Dance of Joy:

"Not so long ago, in the far away land of New Jersey, a plucky, intrepid

copywriter/internet marketer spontaneously invented the Goofy Google

Dance of Joy when she discovered how the right combination of article

marketing, keyword-rich, emotionally charged web copy, and the

mysterious power of the blog could push her web site up through the

Google rankings and ultimately increase her business. As her web

hits and ezine subscriber list grew, so did the Goofy Google Dance

of Joy.

It goes like this:

Stand straight near your computer screen (preferably

displaying YOUR web site, your articles, near the first

Google page for your keywords).

Begin to flap your arms wildly around your head and torso.

(Be very careful and do not attempt this move if small children

or pets are in the room.)

With your arms flapping wildly, begin running in place.

This requires coordination.

With arms and feet moving, yell the phrase, "Wa-hoooooooo!"

while randomly bobbing your head and spinning your body

in circles until you either get dizzy or throw up.

Perform step 4 until your family begs you to stop.

Why am I telling you this silly tale?

Because today, I did the Goofy Google Dance of Joy over and over.

Now I'm hooked and I don't know what to do. I can't stop.

I don't want to stop.

How did this come about? Today I Googled the term "shortbread"

and guess what?! My company, Vermont Shortbread Company,

came up on PAGE 1! Right under the venerable Walkers Shortbread.

Walkers is HUGE and they've been around forever!

Dear readers, this is no small feat. I have not spent a penny

on paid internet advertising. My company is on page one thanks

to article marketing, keyword-laden copy in my blog and web site,

constantly changing content, strong branding, and some amazing

efforts on my behalf by my um..."dance teacher".

Do YOU want to do the Goofy Google Dance of Joy?

Are you ready for the Goofy Google Dance of Joy?

Ask me how. But beware, it's addictive."

(Pssst...here's her "dance teacher". She really is that good!

Are you new to Affiliate Marketing? Talk with

experts and learn the tricks of the trade at

the #1 AffiliateMarketing Forum, eWealth.

Home Business Magazine is on the stands right now with their annual feature issue

with over 350 part and fulltime home bazed buzinesses. There's lots of good stuff

there, but here's some I especially liked:

The Fairy Tale Princess Storyteller - You tell stories to kids at schools,

bookstores, libraries, birthday parties and then take money from them.

I could be wrong, it happened once before...

Growbiz - Grow expensive plants and make little planters at home.

No acreage required. Just clear off the dining room table.

The Air To Water Company - They sell a machine that makes

99% pure water from air. Like a gourmet dehumidifier.

Winch Enterprises - They offer a mobile business picking up litter

from parking lots, landscapes and sidewalks of buzinesses.

For $49.95, you must get one heck of a pointy stick.

Candlefun - Candle carving lessons, tools and supplies. Yeah really.

Sentimetal - Baby shoe bronzing and other stuff too.

Sorry, no hamsters.

China Direct - Locating and contacting Chinese manufacturers

who want to sell to the American market. In business since 1958!

ACardInTheYard - Six foot tall yard signs for all occasions.

Wow, think of the postage on that baby!

Send your own story (or that of an unsuspecting friend) to DanATWAHumor.com

You just might become $50.00 richer!

Sorry, had to change the email address just a little to tick off the spammers...

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the National Alliance for Autism Research

WAHumor

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Duxbury, MA 02331

Dan@WAHumor.com

(781) 585-7174